I never expected that my life would be so difficult, so young. Of course I knew that difficulties come with age, but innocently thought I was immune from pain because youth was on my side. My picture perfect life began to shatter at age nineteen, when I found out that I was born with a rare disorder and would never be able to carry my own children. In addition to finding out that I can’t bear babies, I was also informed that I needed to have surgery for another medical condition. I sunk into dark days, experiencing frequent panic attacks and many sleepless nights. Several years after my life-changing visit to the doctor’s, my youngest sister fell ill, and almost passed away from a brain condition. In addition to personal and familial sorrows, I’ve seen close friends walk through death, miscarriage, financial struggles, depression, etc. My heart has gone through so very much.
For the longest time, I tried to tell myself that it would all be okay. That because I believed in God’s sovereignty, I should simply accept my sorrows as a part of His sanctifying process. As a result, I didn’t allow myself to mourn, or truly feel the full weight of the pain. Over the years, I’ve learned how to lament and grieve before the Lord, and with the Lord. I’ve learned that it’s entirely possible to trust in a sovereign God, and still lament, cry and be upset.
Wrestle with your pain in the presence of God.
None of us need to be taught how to lament, we need to be given the permission and the freedom to lament. Our spirits instinctively cry out in the pain, and wrestle with the Lord. The church often doesn’t know how to handle raw grief. Christians have a tendency of tossing a few Bible verses our way, and expecting it to solve everything. The word of God is the source of all comfort and hope, but often times that comfort is found through times of deep wrestling and meditation. Skimming over a verse a few times does heal everything instantly. Truly walking through grief is messy and takes time. Look at how David mourned in the book of Psalms – he wasn’t shy about working through His suffering with the Lord.
Beloved, if no one has told you this yet, I’m honored to get to be the one to tell you- it’s okay not to be okay! Don’t be afraid to grieve, to wail out to the Lord, and to wrestle with Him in prayer. In the famous words of C.S. Lewis, “pain insists upon being attended to.” Don’t ignore your pain, don’t suppress it. Allow yourself to fully feel the hurt, because only then will you begin to find healing. Suppressing your emotions and feelings won’t help the situation, because you’ll be unwilling to admit that you actually have a problem that needs to be healed.
God is big enough to handle all our emotions, our frustrations, our questions, and our sorrows.
The road to heaven is often more difficult than we ever imagined. Our hearts will hurt, we’ll weep, but one day, we’ll be home with our Beloved, and we’ll have perfect rest!
It’s vital to develop a strong heart that continues to trust the Lord in the midst of pain. One of the most important lessons I’ve learned in my trials, is to surround yourself with tenderhearted and trustworthy people. Seek out people who don’t try to fix your circumstances, or try to explain away your sorrow. What a sufferer needs to know that they aren’t alone. More often than not, a hug, a listening ear, and a shoulder to cry on truly touches a wounded heart in a moment of suffering.
Grief is universal, but those who know how to navigate it tenderly are a rare treasure. One benefit of having suffered is that you’re better equipped to know how to love and comfort others in their sorrow.
Dear one – don’t give up! Even though it might not feel like it – God is deeper than any sorrow you’ll ever experience. Underneath you are the everlasting arms. Bend your feelings around the promises of God. If you are God’s child, all hell is endeavored to shake your soul, and tempting you walk away from God. Don’t give Satan that satisfaction. Cling to Christ with everything you have.
“Lament is the deepest, most costly demonstration of belief in God. Despair is the ultimate manifestation of the total denial that He exists.” – Michael Card
Learn to engage God with the language of lament. Develop an understanding of the difference between honest lamenting and despairing of all hope. Victory was purchased on the cross, but that it didn’t come without a price to the victorious. The call to follow our Victorious Savior is a call to die. Die to our desires, our longings, our flesh – die to live – truly, deeply live. The paradox of Christian suffering is great, Godly hearts are often welded in the fires of adversity. While I would have never chosen the pain in my life, my relationship with the Lord is deeper because of it. Beloved, I pray that whatever darkness you’re walking through, it won’t completely undo your heart.
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