Reflections on 2019 + My Focus for 2020

I adore the week between Christmas and the new year. I love the quiet days, I love the extra time to tidy and organize our home. I love tackling a few projects that I’ve been putting off. I love time to read. I love time to rest. I love time to reflect upon the previous year and prepare for the upcoming year.

Today, I thought I’d share a reflection on the past year. (And let’s be real, it’s been a hot second since I’ve written anything on my blog.)

In many ways, 2019 felt like a recovery year, especially in comparison to the previous year. In 2018, I had three different jobs throughout the year, my first book, Longing for Motherhood was released, and Michael and I were in the midst of our first year of marriage. Needless to say, it was a lot. This year, there weren’t nearly as many significant life transitions. But in some ways, I think my soul finally had time to process what I’d experienced the year before, and I found myself exhausted.

Below are a few reflections on the past year, and where I hope to go next year.

1. Struggles with Rest

Recently, I read over my journal from last year, and the biggest thing I noticed was how exhausted I always seemed to be. I fought hard for rest, but ceasing work and actually resting is so difficult for me. I’m an Enneagram 3 (the achiever) and take deep satisfaction in work. But boy, oh boy do I struggle with rest.

In the past year, I’ve tried to be more intentional about Sabbath and technology boundaries. I’ve failed more than I’ve succeeded, but I’m trying. The Lord is teaching me that Sabbath and rest are good gifts for His people to enjoy. The Lord is teaching me to slow down and to savor what I’ve been entrusted with.

A few weeks ago, I purchased an old school alarm clock (here’s the one I got), and I’ve chosen not to use my phone the first thing in the morning. I’m planning to dive deeper into this topic later, but I highly suggest grabbing an alarm clock, and not using it until you’ve spent time with the Lord. This one practice has had enormous benefits on my ability to rest.

Ways I’m learning to rest:

• Technology boundaries!
  • No phone first thing in the morning
  • Take a month off social media every year
• Quieting my spirit
• Reading books for sheer pleasure, instead of gobbling them up to feel accomplished
• Going for walks outside

2. Writing

A lot of my writing this year was professional. I’m so grateful to hone that particular skill, and I’ve written quite a bit about the injustices I see and feel:

• The babies in the womb who need protections
• The survivors of sexual abuse who need safe places and loving people
• The hundreds of thousands of children in the U.S. foster care system
• The millions across the world who are persecuted for their faith.

I noticed that I haven’t written many personal pieces this year. If I’m honest, the part of me that loves writing felt dull this year. I don’t want to write off of fumes and former things I’ve learned. I want my writing to be fresh, insightful and beautiful.

I want my writing to be a signpost, pointing to something bigger and greater than myself, to spur people to action and to get involved in something bigger than themselves, but to ultimately point to someone bigger and grander.

To the King.

Next year, I want to begin writing again. There are so many things I want to say and stories I want to tell.

3. The Lord’s Faithfulness

The words of one of my favorite hymns have often been on my lips this year – Great is thy faithfulness.

In the times when I’ve felt tired and weak, when I’ve felt like I’ve failed, or let people down, the Lord has been faithful.

Great is Thy faithfulness, O God my Father,
There is no shadow of turning with Thee;
Thou changest not, Thy compassions, they fail not
As Thou hast been Thou forever wilt be.

Great is Thy faithfulness! Great is Thy faithfulness!
Morning by morning new mercies I see;
All I have needed Thy hand hath provided—
Great is Thy faithfulness, Lord, unto me

What I Want To Focus on Next Year

I want to focus more on who I’m becoming, more than on what I’m accomplishing. It’s all too easy for me to whip up a list of goals and set about trying to accomplish them. But I’ve learned that that’s not the healthiest way for me to behave.

I want to be a woman who loves Jesus deeper. I want to mine the Bible for treasures and truths and hide them in my heart. I want to give the gift of my presence and my attention. I can’t love people, truly love well when I’m rushed, hurried, stressed or exhausted. I want a life that’s deeper, more intentional and less rushed.

This year, I have some goals (goals aren’t bad, but they can’t be my driving force), but I want to slow down and focus on faithfulness, stewarding what I have well, and creating rhythms that are lifegiving, purposeful and impactful.