My dear friends,
I’m aware that I’ve been absolutely terrible at maintaining a regular rhythm of writing. To be completely honest, I’m exhausted! (And this isn’t the first time I’ve gone dark, due to tiredness) The events of the past 18 months have finally caught up to me.
– Wrote a book, while working a full time job
– Got engaged
– Got married
– Lost a job
– Started job searching
– Released Longing for Motherhood
– Started a new job in May
– Started a new job in November
…..on top of “normal” life stuff.
I’m not complaining, just trying to pull back the curtain a little bit on why I’m feeling so tired. Life has been eventful (high highs, and low lows) over the past two years, and I have a tendency to create massive goals for myself, and not be able to fully meet them.
For example – at the beginning of 2018 I set a goal to read 36 books. In creating that goal, what I didn’t account for was that I would release my own book, I’d be in the middle of my first year of marriage, and I’d change jobs twice.
Now, it’s the end of the year, and I’ve read 30 books. While I should be happy with the 30 books I’ve read – I’m not. I’m beating myself up for being behind and not meeting my goal. (Although, I’m trying my hardest to make it – cue the audiobooks, and the short books!)
My exhaustion is leading me to be more honest with myself about what I can and can’t accomplish.
I’ve been feeling like a failure for how poorly I feel like I’ve handled my writing. I love to write, but haven’t maintained my blog, or stewarded my gifts well. But the Lord is also teaching me so much. I’m at the end of myself, which is the best place to be filled, nourished, and strengthened by the Lord.
Here are a few lessons I’m learning:
– I’m learning that Christ’s yoke is easy, and His burden is light. He bears my burdens, not me.
– I’m learning that I need to give myself extra grace when life’s circumstances are particularly eventful.
– I’m learning how to say “no” to good things, so that I can say “yes” to the best things.
– I’m learning how to make rest a lifestyle, so I don’t burn out.
– I’m learning how to create a sustainable and consistent online pace and presence.
– I’m learning how to be faithful.
The liturgy from Every Moment Holy has been a daily prayer recently.
A Liturgy For Those Fearing Failure
Let my fears of failure drive me,
O Lord, to collapse here upon your strong shoulders,
and here to rest, reminded again
that I and all of your children are always
utterly dependent upon you to bring to completion,
in and through us, the good works
which you have prepared before hand for us to do.
It is not my own work that is before me now, but yours!
Indeed Christian, take heart in this revelation!
The outcomes of your labors were never in your hands, but in God’s.
You have but one task: to be faithful.
Over the next few weeks, I’m going to be reevaluating a few things. In some areas, I need to pull back, and in others, I want to press in and grow. Not sure what that’ll look like, but praying for guidance from the Lord.
In many ways, I feel like I’m taking my internet friends along for the ride. I feel like I’ve fallen and stumbled more than I’ve succeeded, but I want to keep getting back up and trying.
Thanks for sticking with me!
Merry Christmas!
Love,
Chelsea
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